I Hate My Phone Company

Good luck trying to call us for the forseeable future. I tried to log onto the computer last night (yes, we still have dial-up) and there was no dial tone. I checked our main line...no dial tone. I called Verizon (using a cell phone) and got all of their stupid automated junk. The computer told me how to test the outside line. Do that and call back (and go through all of their automated prompts...again). So, I grab a corded phone and a screwdriver and head outside to test the line. No dial tone. I call back and it wants me to do it again and tries to hang up on me. I start screaming "no! I need an operator!" and finally get through to a real person. She says that she can't get someone out to the house before Thursday. I explain to her that I have no dial tone...no phone...no internet. She says she's sorry but the best she can do is forward my calls to my cell. Well, she screwed that up because when you call, you get the error message saying you have to dial a 1 before the number. Nice. I gave her a huge piece of my mind (prefaced with a, "I know this is not your fault" disclaimer) and informed her that I'd probably be shopping around for a new phone company. Well, magically, we have dial tone again today but my calls are still being "forwarded" (no they're not!) to my cell and no matter what I do, I can't get another live person on the phone. "Call back M-F from 8am to 6pm." All I want is for them to stop forwarding our calls!